Pressure, What Pressure?
Time, time, time
When you were single, you pleased yourself, most of the time. Then you meet this girl you dreamt about, and time had to be shared, but it was great. No real problems. You just discussed and agreed when you'd meet, what you'd do and where. Easy.
Unfortunately, it isn't possible to take the same approach with children. Demands will fly in from everywhere - from offspring, from Mum and from the boss, maybe even from your church leader. Help! Hopefully your parents and the in-laws will prove to be supportive rather than also piling on the pressure.
But also be aware that a lot of pressure will come from inside you. No matter how you go about balancing your time, it's your instinct to try and please everyone, most of the time. But you will fail often. Don't feel guilty. We've all been there.
Important v urgent
If you've ever been on a time management course, you will have explored the difference between the important and the urgent. (If you've never been on one, don't bother!) The theory is that it is the urgent that clamours for your attention, but you should resist. Rather, you should keep in mind the important, and do that instead. If life was only that simple!
Unfortunately, what is presented to you as important and urgent, may actually only be urgent to you. But often, you don't have the luxury of ignoring it and getting with what you consider to be important.
So, as you find the right balance, keep in mind what really matters, what really, really matters. As Rob Parsons says, 'on your deathbed, you won't be wishing you spent more time at the office!' Getting and maintaining this balance is a difficult juggling act. No sooner you think you have it sussed, than someone will change the rules. So you need feedback as to how you're doing, both from your partner and other Christian men you respect.
Plan
No, you don't need a gant chart. (It may feel like it sometimes!), but why not put all key events in your diary (paper or electronic). If you don't keep a diary, start. You won't remember everything, trust me. And writing little reminders to yourself, won't last.
If you really want to make this Dad role work, you will have to change the way you usually go about things. Yes, it's difficult to change. That's why everyone avoids it. But someone has to. If you can't change, are you really expecting the people around you to?
It might be possible for your partner to multi-task, but don't you try it. Focus on doing one thing. If it's work, then forget family and concentrate on work. It isn't being disloyal. If you're with family, then forget about work. You won't be able to do both successfully. They'll see through you in an instant!
Look after No 1.
Surely not! That's not a Christian attitude. Don't I need to burn myself out for others? No. If you burn yourself out, what happens to your family? There's a difference between being consistently selfish - going out to the pub with the lads three times a week - and making sure you have some time to refresh and revive yourself, so you're fresh for your partner and your family.
It may be macho to try the superman role, but it's no fun when you're with the doctor and he or she is talking to you about stress, depression and prescribing some pills.
And here comes the healthy bit!
Exercise and diet play a large role in how you feel physically and emotionally, and will determine how much of yourself you can give to your family and others.
Ignore it if you want to, but it's true.
Site published by 3 Counties Church (www.3countieschurch.org), Haslemere, England, Nov 2004